WAIT WHAT
*awkwardly late party horn here*
OMG I KNOW IT WAS A SURPRISE TO ME TOO.
(also at first glance it looks like I typed harty porn... whatever moving on.)
And two years ago after my whole, "Who needs college when you've got a hospital to party in!" summer, I named my cute little disease to try and make me feel like I could actually get mad at something instead of innocent children and people.
Her name is Lucy (aka: Lucifer.)
She is married to Opus (my beautifully huge and abnormal looking belly button. Thanks surgeon.)and as I mentioned before they have been happily married for two years now.
It's a beautiful thing marriage.
So basically as of this summer I will have been an awkward third wheel for like 10 years.
TEN YEARS PEOPLE.
The big One-Oh!
The double digits!
The number after nine!
And let me tell ya, there has never been a dull moment.
Maybe I should start a new blog segment(is that even a thing for blogs? My first blog label?)
WHATEVER
The Adventures of Lucy & Opus... oh and Dylan.
Chapter one: Scaly Fish Face
It was Wednesday, seventy degrees and sunny, and Dylan had just been invited to a bonfire. A bonfire that could determine her destiny, and she was beyond stoked. "I'm beyond stoked!" she told her friend Zach. She hadn't been having the greatest week; people were being stupid, finals were coming up, etc. etc., and this bonfire was what was getting her through.When Lucy and Opus heard word of this, they got super jealous. "Who does this chick think she is? Making plans with out us... We like bonfires, we set them inside her intestines on the reg yo." So they formulated a plan.
The two had heard word of a lab-created British-American hit-man named Humí Ra who was known for his ability to go undercover and persuade anyone to do what he wanted. *In a British-American accent?* "I've got a brilliant plan. I can sneak in, unexpectedly as a friend of course, and act like I am there for her. Then, out of nowhere, I will wipe out her entire immune system so that when she wakes up tomorrow, she will have a scaly fish face!" Lucy and Opus agreed, "It's totes brill. She like won't even see what's coming!" So Humí hung out with Dylan that night and talked about everything from cats to Cheetos.
As far as Dylan knew, it was a beautiful thing... until she woke up the next morning. "AH SHI-"
THE END
Yeah so that was an extremely long way to say that now thanks to Humira, I have these way sassy scaly patches of skin on my face that are the size of planet earth. #blessedI mean don't get me wrong, the bonfire was still way fun, but holy... my FACE.
Confidence THROUGH THE ROOOOOOF.
Date me?
What's way great though is that it is starting to look a little better thanks to that good ol' madre of mine.(I may be converting to hippie-wickenism thanks to my mothers dōterra healing oil stuff (I'm pretty positive that's the official name.))
Now they are just bright red spots... kinda like a Dalmatian. But red.
Good thing I like dogs.
Fenga's crossed.
